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Michael Danton's Avatar
Posted by: Michael Danton
2007-07-01 12:56:56
Don't Get Lost!
Overall:
91
Concept: 17
Characters: 18
Dialogue: 18
Presentation: 19
Plot: 19
The single most important mark of a great story, wether it be prosaic or scripted is simply the desire to see it's conclusion. This script had it in spades and I genuinely want to see what happens next.

Now, getting on a more technical level, although the script format you've chosen isn't industry standard, it didn't have any effect on my score at all as it was still easy to read and intuitive.

You've certainly introduced a lot of distinct characters in a very short time and it really didn't feel forced or convoluted which is a relatively difficult thing to do. You've done an excellent job in this area, but balancing charactes is like balancing plates... If you handle too many at once, they tend to get away from you and smash.

The description was adequate to the style and not too indepth, I thought the "shooting script" aspects were a little bit overdone and you might want to think omitting them to keep it purist spec.

Now, the parts that concern me most is the train crash scene, the fight and the kidnapping. It all seemed a little disjointed and it was difficult to get a good idea precisely what was going on, yet I got the general idea of things and that's all a director really needs. Where the gun appeared from and why you can shoot ghosts with it is another question entirely.

I've got to admit, you're onto a good thing here, it's purist Science fiction, that means you must always follow the rules of the style. The most important part is the quest for answers and mystery. You've managed to skirt those questions in the hustle-bustle with some success; but now that you've put the characters in a place of sanctuary of sorts, you're going to have to find other creative means to thwart your characters drive for explanation. Use the series "lost" as a guide... Just when you thought the next door would explain everything... there's another door or plot device to prevent you from finding out. From this aspect, I think your characters are a bit too trusting that all will be explained in time. For the good of the story, it's better if not.

This was a great bit of fiction, I can see now why you were pushing so hard to produce it and hope for both our sakes that you have more luck here than you did back at Newgrounds.

M.
LEVELInGUP's Avatar
Posted by: LEVELInGUP
2007-05-18 12:02:43
very interesting.
Overall:
94
Concept: 20
Characters: 17
Dialogue: 19
Presentation: 19
Plot: 19
that was a very interesting teleplay. even if you made this into a novel it owuld be great. if you soemhow present this to someone and get a good connection i think this would be a great tv show!
Pale Moon's Avatar
Posted by: Pale Moon
2007-05-04 22:32:31
Train of Thought
Overall:
88
Concept: 19
Characters: 17
Dialogue: 16
Presentation: 18
Plot: 18
This play is very exciting so far and I can't wait for the next episode. Very descriptive and well written. I can't be critical as I'm sure all will be explained as the play progresses. Keep writing.
Tri-Nitro-Toluene's Avatar
Posted by: Tri-Nitro-Toluene
2007-04-18 10:02:23
Excellent
Overall:
86
Concept: 18
Characters: 15
Dialogue: 17
Presentation: 19
Plot: 17
I must say I find the concept of Ghost towns and purgatory station to be most intriguing. You've come up with an original idea for what happens after death, and it works quite well.

What I thought I was going to get was something along the lines of a 'Town called Eureka', a sort of tongue in cheek sci-fi thing. And I think that if you were to actually turn this into a proper TV script and send it off or whatever, then it would work very well in that kind of style.

One thing I have to ask though The lost souls threatened to kill the passenger they kidnapped. IS this purposeful or just an oversight on your part? Cause at the moment it doesn't make much sense. Likewise the Lost souls dying makes little sense as the dead can not die again.

Overall I enjoyed the piece and I find myself intrigued as to know how this is going to continue.
UrbanAncient's Avatar
Posted by: UrbanAncient
2007-04-16 13:12:08
Immence
Overall:
89
Concept: 20
Characters: 17
Dialogue: 15
Presentation: 18
Plot: 19
Just brilliant. Perfect plot, love the wonderful twist thing at the end and if that becomes an animation and goes on the internet, tell me straight away! The characters change a bit throughout, like Nathan, he's violent, then kind, and in the flashbacks kind and violent again, but then, I would be violent if I were in his place. So you've captured the characters perfectly. The dialogue seemed natural, but made some just feel a bit off, the plot was great with the several twiss like the crash, lost souls, and that thing about Kevin. Don't rush the next one!
Fourth Perspective :: Perspectives - Ghost Town Episode 1: "Soul Train" - Reviews