I liked how the ryhmeing sceme worked out and the constant thoughts depicting the cheater. It is almost laughable at his scemeing. keep writting dude!
Posted by: KrazyKracker
Heres a better score to look at!
That was great. i liked how he wanted to keep his reputation in tact. the rythm worked just fine and the uses of repeating sequences of words really gave it voice. I love the last line im a liar, a cheat, yet a crook with a lead! perfectly ended that poem.
p.s. that would look great in a sig
Posted by: MercurialSemiMadness
That poem had some wretched rhythm; made me think of The Nightmare Before Christmas, when Santa is shoved through the Boogie man's people-shoot, and he bursts all the bolts on the way down.
Reading it kept hitting bumps and snags, and getting caught up by not fitting in the space you gave it, like swallowing a mandarine orange whole.
A solid topic, some good lines, but poorly put together.
I'm a cheat, a liar, a crook with a lead... <- ^_^
Posted by: Coop83
I think that really to be a poem like this, you need Rhythm and Rhyme to go hand in hand. The stansas are disjointed and some lines don't seem to fit in the space that previous lines have dictated for them.
I know that writing creatively doesn't have a specific set of rules, save maybe spelling, punctuation and grammar, but this poem lacked the killer edge for me. I can understand the message, but it has been presented in a messy way.
If it were tidied up, I can certainly see it looking a lot better
Posted by: Zerok
I liked how such a modern and common theme (cheating) was made to seem so lofty and mythical. I liked the rhythm of the poem, actually. It wasn't perfect... but it reminded of something Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes would write. A miniature version of one of Bill Watterson's colelctions' introductory poems.
Posted by: Portstevo
Nice but lack of flow
I really got into the thought process almost felt I was thinking through it myself rather than just reading a poem!
The downside for me was that a few of the lines were a bit longer than the others which really took the flow out of the poem