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The Massacre of Helm's Deep
Rating:
79.36
Perspectives: 2
Votes: 22
Zerok's Avatar
Posted by: Zerok
2007-04-11 16:56:08
Style: Fantasy
Number of pages: 6
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The Massacre of Helm's Deep
 
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Perspective Reward Points: 193
Carousel Reward Points: 20
Log Line:
Realities clash in this bloody retelling of Tolkien\'s classic battle.
Production Notes:
Written exclusively for the very first FourthPerspective COMPETITION!

Usually I like to keep an element of physical realism to my works, but with a 3000 word limit, there wasn't enough room to pack both realism and the idea I wanted to bring to life. So I went with the idea. Any descriptive or semantic inaccuracies, real or fictional, are due to the four minutes of research devoted to this short story.

Hope you enjoy it.
Latest Perspective on The Massacre of Helm's Deep
Michael Danton's Avatar
Posted by: Michael Danton
2007-04-15 07:26:18
What if?
Overall:
75
Concept: 19
Characters: 13
Dialogue: 15
Presentation: 16
Plot: 12
A marvelous tale of "What if" that trancends the boundaries of fantasy and reality.

Although intended as a short story, I think there were just too many things happening in the plot that require more depth and associated detail. I thought the concept was very clever and was similar to "The Final Countdown" but you have redeemed yourself entirely in terms of originality by way of not only crossing time, but realities as well.

Although it's a great concept, I think you have inadvertantly sold the idea short as a means of entering the competition, a winning entry I would assume but non-the-less a seemingly rushed one. The story was just too open-ended and left you feeling a little bit empty and the adventure just seems to come to a halt which brings up so many unanswered questions!

My favourite part of this piece was the first meeting of the major characters, it was exciting and new, we already know all about Gimli, Aragorn and Legolas, I couldn't help but think your characters were paper thin and washed out in comparison. Still it's nothing a few chapters can't fix.

Going back to the end of the story, in the movie Gandalf says he's off to get help right? Why not make it so that it was actually Gandalf's purpose to bring them there, and just as easily at the end of your story, you could have Gandalf send the soldiers back again.

Just before they go back, one of the men finds a rather precious ring...

Keep in mind, never make the heroes invulnerable, that just makes victory a matter of time and ultimately steals it away. The orcs were up against it right from the start and they always had my support during that conflict. It's the enemies that should be nigh unbeatable, but the good guys should somehow find a way against incredible odds, NEVER the other way around.

The opportunites are endless and I'm sure you could make something really "precious" out of this if you chose to.

M.
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