Screenplays  |  Stageplays  |  Poetry  |  Novels  |  Novelle  |  Short Stories  |  Teleplays
Fan Fiction  |  Voice Actors  |  Comics  |  Erotica  |  FAQ  |  Forum  |  Upload
Top Rated Novelle

The Time Line - Parts I-V
Perspectives: 1
Votes: 12
The Doctor's Avatar
Posted by: The Doctor
2007-12-08 09:27:21
Style: Adventure/Sci-Fi
Number of pages: 15
Read      Review
The Time Line - Parts I-V
You must be logged in to start kibosh
Perspective Reward Points: 690
Carousel Reward Points: 0
Log Line:
In a fractured future, two workers struggle to survive disaster at a remote oil refinery.
Production Notes:
I first started writing this a long time ago. A year and a half actually, but that's pretty long in my book. I left it on the shelf to explore some other writing styles, but recently I've felt like it was a story worth me finishing.

My initial idea has yet to come into play here, but the plot device I employed to start the story off has managed to evolve into it's own little narrative. Not quite long enough to classify as a novella yet, but this is a piece that's evolved beyond the original short story I intended it as.

I'll probably go back and rewrite a lot of the earlier sections in this one day - there are still a lot of bits that bug me, and I can't stand the names I gave the two protagonists - but for now here's the original manuscript of parts 1-5.
Enjoy, comment, etc.
Latest Perspective on The Time Line - Parts I-V
Michael Danton's Avatar
Posted by: Michael Danton
2007-12-30 00:22:53
Feel the Burn!
Concept: 20
Characters: 19
Dialogue: 18
Presentation: 20
Plot: 19
Before I begin, I must first state that the following critique is both petty and nit-picking.

To begin, I thought that the misanthropic sentiment of Lewis was at times a bit irritating. It's very difficult to warm to a person that hates you with a passion, the focus of this was the zombie references in the door scene that I thought should have been omitted entirely.

Although there was plenty of time dedicated to motivation, the flashbacks were delivered a bit late in the piece and didn't add much to a greater understanding of the characters. Although they told an interesting story, it put the brakes on the main storyline more than it should have due to it's length and a * * * that was kind of like an announcement of "nebulous story time" The info in these flashbacks (if it's integral to the story) should have been somehow incorporated into the main story in my opinion.

With that out of the way

This is without a doubt one of the best pieces of fiction I have ever read, and in my estimation surpasses the efforts of King, Koontz and Rowling. I really love your writing style and it's clear it loves you too, pages one through eight were fantastic! There are no two ways to look at it, this is a professional work and when it's finished I thoroughly encourage you to seek an agency for eventual publication.

Fourth Perspective :: Viewing - Novelle - The Time Line - Parts I-V