Scrap Book Part 1.
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A collection of things including a novel.
This is just a collection of things. I've left out Reality because I wanted to add a chapter to it before submitting this and jamming it in but I just couldn't. I did however add a BBS story that I started a good year ago I think and plan to finish one day. I just doubt any day soon. I managed to add a chapter on. Everything else is explained.
I left out one or two things besides Reality I plan to finish properly and just submitting it as a complete story. That or I'll just shove it into the next Scrap Book part.
A BBS story, to those unfamiliar to the term, is just a story where the characters are named after BBS users like Lost-Wisdom, SuperSmoothSmiley, Sidorio and many others.
Posted by: LazyPint
Quite a Collection
Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die
Not much to say since there's not much to read. Could have been interesting, especially the mention of "steak", which I didn't get in the slightest.
Fucked (for lack of a better title)
Again you've capitalized after an "...", which suggests a new sentence. It was probably Word doing it automatically, but you should go back and change it.
As for the story, again it barely gets going and reads almost like a blog.
Words Of A Dying Breed
Quite right. Grammar is important and it's strange that writing properly should make me feel special, when it's just something I do naturally.
This read like a rant, but a well-written one. You clearly have a lot of feeling for proper grammar and you're right to.
I don't quite see the "two class" thing happening, but you never know...
Childhood is one word, you said "stick" rather than "sticker" and you said "defiantly" instead of "definitely" (a fairly common error these days).
It's a shame you didn't go on with this one. It could have been quite cool, though amnesiac-murderer stories are pretty common.
Not bad. A semi-coherent story with only a few mistakes and a decent number of song titles.
I'll bet you could actually make a pretty decent poem with "You and who's army?" in it twice...
There's quite a few presentation errors in here; some tense changes and a lot of the text isn't separated line by line.
The internet certainly wasn't in full use in 1998 and the tour that was supposed to happen in a month's time seemed to take a bit too long.
As a story it's quite good if rushed. Would they still be sharing a flat after 15 years? It seems to zip along a lot without pause and I find it unlikely that they wouldn't know Rague was still alive in the hospital.
Overall, I quite like White Larynx and I wish you luck in finishing it. It's quite a sad story and the strange names (I understand the BBS thing) make it kind of interesting and unusual.