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Ghost Town Episode 1: "Soul Train"
Perspectives: 5
Votes: 41
Dr. E. Worm's Avatar
Posted by: Dr. E. Worm
2007-04-16 10:36:43
Style: Sci-Fi/Drama
Number of pages: 15
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Ghost Town Episode 1: "Soul Train"
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Perspective Reward Points: 151
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Log Line:
When their lives end, their story begins.

The very first episode of a new sci-fi/drama/action series, hopefully to be made via Flash for Newgrounds.

"Ghost Town" is the story of group of strangers from all walks of life forced together at "Ghost Town" 13-T, Tartarus to spend a good part of their afterlife. In this episode, the tenants travel to Tartarus and learn just where they are, while we learn details of one of the character's lives.
Production Notes:
After long effort, here at last is the first episode of "Ghost Town."

IMPORTANT Since this was made mainly for an artist/animator, the script is pretty informal. For the same reason, some physical descriptions of major characters aren't included, because I was planning on separately informing the artist/animator on such things.

MORE IMPORTANT If you like it, or just like the direction it's going, tell your animator friends Razz

Latest Perspective on Ghost Town Episode 1: "Soul Train"
Michael Danton's Avatar
Posted by: Michael Danton
2007-07-01 12:56:56
Don't Get Lost!
Concept: 17
Characters: 18
Dialogue: 18
Presentation: 19
Plot: 19
The single most important mark of a great story, wether it be prosaic or scripted is simply the desire to see it's conclusion. This script had it in spades and I genuinely want to see what happens next.

Now, getting on a more technical level, although the script format you've chosen isn't industry standard, it didn't have any effect on my score at all as it was still easy to read and intuitive.

You've certainly introduced a lot of distinct characters in a very short time and it really didn't feel forced or convoluted which is a relatively difficult thing to do. You've done an excellent job in this area, but balancing charactes is like balancing plates... If you handle too many at once, they tend to get away from you and smash.

The description was adequate to the style and not too indepth, I thought the "shooting script" aspects were a little bit overdone and you might want to think omitting them to keep it purist spec.

Now, the parts that concern me most is the train crash scene, the fight and the kidnapping. It all seemed a little disjointed and it was difficult to get a good idea precisely what was going on, yet I got the general idea of things and that's all a director really needs. Where the gun appeared from and why you can shoot ghosts with it is another question entirely.

I've got to admit, you're onto a good thing here, it's purist Science fiction, that means you must always follow the rules of the style. The most important part is the quest for answers and mystery. You've managed to skirt those questions in the hustle-bustle with some success; but now that you've put the characters in a place of sanctuary of sorts, you're going to have to find other creative means to thwart your characters drive for explanation. Use the series "lost" as a guide... Just when you thought the next door would explain everything... there's another door or plot device to prevent you from finding out. From this aspect, I think your characters are a bit too trusting that all will be explained in time. For the good of the story, it's better if not.

This was a great bit of fiction, I can see now why you were pushing so hard to produce it and hope for both our sakes that you have more luck here than you did back at Newgrounds.

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