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Your Wings
Rating:
82.89
Perspectives: 1
Votes: 19
Sistine's Avatar
Posted by: Sistine
2008-03-12 14:28:43
Style: Romance/Abstract
Number of pages: 2
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Your Wings
 
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Perspective Reward Points: 73
Carousel Reward Points: 0
Log Line:
We'll fly away
From the hatred today.
We don't know what they say
But we're not gonna stay.
Production Notes:
Written in bliss by an awestruck heart.
Past Revisions:
2008-03-09 11:00:02
2008-02-28 15:53:06
2008-02-25 14:28:10
Latest Perspective on Your Wings
LazyPint's Avatar
Posted by: LazyPint
2008-03-12 15:48:25
Close to Perfect
Overall:
90
 
 
 
 
 
I thought this was excellent, apart from the use of "cuz" which sounds a bit boy-bandish and where you put "no" instead of "not", which was obviously a mistake (unless you're Scottish!).

I also didn't like the stanza with "pissed" in it. It's a bit harsh for what is otherwise a very gentle, uplifting poem.

Aside from these (minor) faults, this is a tremendous piece of work
Fourth Perspective :: Viewing - Poetry - Your Wings