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Surreality - noun.

 
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Surreality - noun.
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Michael Danton
Ace
Overlord
Rank: 13


Joined: 06 Mar 2007
Posts: 3559
Location: Australia.

Post Surreality - noun. Reply with quote
Did you ever feel like the great merry-go-round of life was making you ill? Don't you wish you could stick your fingers down your throat and heave out all of that anxiety, remorse, regret, ill-will, self loathing and general mental gut-ache that swirls about in your brain... making you sick!

Metaphor ends, surreality begins anew.

Well, I've returned from my sojourn from the north and returned a changed man, as much as a title or experience can. I've finished the last little bit of my education and now I'm left to wonder what the hell I'm going to do with it... As much as I'd like to travel and teach overseas, I have found the never ending application process will either end in one of two ways: Either they'll treat you like Mr. Cellophane and ignore you outright, or they'll lead you right down the garden path down to a place you don't want to be... And here I stand now, at the end of the path with a pair of Turks that I wouldn't trust as far as I could throw them. The application process begins anew... I wonder who's going to be at the end of the Garden path next time?

It's a bit pessimistic I know but the whole process has hardened me into a scorched kernel that's impossible to chew. You know what's funny? My whole course actually has a money-back guarantee if you can't get a job... All you have to do is collect 30 rejection emails amongst other things. That's one of the things I never get, people don't tell you they don't want you, they don't tell you anything. Out of about 200 applications, I've gotten maybe 4 rejections. One of them was really nasty too, I couldn't believe it! It went something like "I've got dozens of candidates to chose from and they're all better than you". My poison pen was set to obliterate that day, let me tell you. The worst part is, I make every application with a hopeful smile on my face that darkens slightly with each dismissal.

I'm a bit depressed right now, it's true; but it's so rare when you can find someone you can trust. There was a time when I used to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, now I'm just so cynical... One of the best lessons I've learned is when someone asked me to lend them some money... You probably know how this one is going to turn out; but it's the principle of the thing! For one, I would never ask someone for help unless I was in dire need, and then I would make paying that person back a first priority, I wouldn't eat until my debt was repaid. I saw that fellow every week, and every time it was more rampant lies and bullshit. The truth of it was, he sold my friendship and goodwill for the meager sum of 100$ and he's the type of person that can sleep like a baby, never giving it another moments thought. Well I thought about it, and I still do... In-fact I'm writing about it now despite the fact it happened maybe 5 years ago.

I couldn't rest easy knowing someone was indebted to me, I thought to myself "Man, this guy must really be in dire need, having not paid me back in weeks. The longer this goes on, the more ill will there'll be so I have to let him off easy." Like the fucking moron I am, I just assumed the other person had the same sensibilities as I did and they were in hell over it. I couldn't let that happen so I invited him over to help me with some renovations. He turned up late, he went home early, spent most of the time smoking and talking on the phone... and yet I let him off, he knew it too by the look on his face. "A good day's work" I said, and we were even at that point. I felt so relieved I took away the burden that must have been weighing so heavily on his mind...

Two days later he calls me up and asks for another hundred.

I was so shocked, I didn't know what to say on the phone, it all felt so strange, so alien. I felt as though I saved him a great dishonor and... and... he was waiting for an answer. Unsure of myself I said, "I don't have any more to give you". Instantly you could hear his tone change, all of a sudden I was worthless and good for nothing, just a waste of his time.

It's 3am and I'm unsettled.


You will regret being kind.
-Adolf Hitler

_________________
"I wouldn't say abrasive. I'd rather say you're a cool soothing groove with a hint of jazz..."

-Alpheez
Thu Aug 27, 2009 10:06 am View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
LazyPint
Queen
Rank: 11


Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 361
Location: Scotland

Post Reply with quote
Hey there, sorry i haven't posted in ages, i just keep forgetting. Also, my laptop is a bit broken so I've been using my PS3's browser, which is'nt half as good.

Hope everything is going OK for you, better than the above sounds.

Cheers

Kieran
Wed Sep 16, 2009 10:03 am View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Michael Danton
Ace
Overlord
Rank: 13


Joined: 06 Mar 2007
Posts: 3559
Location: Australia.

Post Reply with quote
Well It's great to see you're still about!

Pay no attention to my last post, it was written in somewhat of a low moment. Although I'm still embittered by recent events and those I would soon face- in hindsight I was quite reserved. I'll go into it in detail in my next news post which I'll be writing directly after.

One thing's for sure, this website is a love hate relationship with me. It's caused a huge amount of worry but it also gives me some Freudian therapy... In the end I'm sure it'll even do for what it was designed! Smile

M.

_________________
"I wouldn't say abrasive. I'd rather say you're a cool soothing groove with a hint of jazz..."

-Alpheez
Sun Sep 20, 2009 4:34 am View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
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